Hey Mid-Missouri the Royals much like Jeff Probst, have nothing for you.

Ever wondered how an organazation can show support to their fans ?
Really let them know that they care....
Maybe with oh say a winter caravan to fire up the loyal fanbase !
Well that's just not the Kansas City Royals way.
But hey I get it, we all do. No one is going to bother coming to dinky Mid-Missouri. I mean Jefferson City is ONLY the capital of Missouri, almost halfway between Kansas City and St.Louis.
So it only makes sense that no one would want to come.

Oh wait the Cardinals totally are....
Well shoot, ain't that a pain in the freaking Wacha.
But hey the Royals will be in Springfield, presumably to tour Hammons Field, and hobnob with the local Springfield Cardinals fans. Because who doesn't love St.Louis Cardinals Double A farm team baseball ? I mean really it must be grand !

But to answer my own question: Yes, I can feel the disappointment and pain in my Wacha.
My Wacha all the way to my Lyons.

No More Lonely Nights

2014 Happy New Year you guys ! It's only so many days until pitchers and catchers report. Yeah I could look it up and tell you but that's the kind of quality that just doesn't work well on a blog like this. So instead of coming up with some blogger jargon about how important this year is for our beloved Kc Royals. (And in all seriousness this IS A VERY VERY VERY Important season for this team)
I'm here instead to tell you about a New Year's Resolution that way too many people, at least on my Facebook feed HAVE FAILED TO MAKE.... (And you thought this was still a Royals blog, how silly)
We get it. It's a brand new year filled with brand new opportunities and you have an amazing boyfriend/girlfriend that the whole world needs to know about ! Because they complete you !
But please, for the love of whatever, please, please, please, refrain from constantly posting sap such as:

Thank you for everything baby !
This last week of us dating has been purely amazing. 
i know things are jus gonna keep getfing betta and betta!
I am an extremely lucky guy to have you in my life 
I look foward to a great 2014 year with you hun
Can't wait for what the future holds for us. As long as I've got you it'll be great.
Etc, etc, etc. 

I mean it's sickening, it really is. If you want to tell someone how you couldn't live without them after one month together be a decent person and text it or inbox it to them. Let's be honest it really is this kind of moral decline that's ruining the America our grandparents knew way way back in 1985 ! 

Especially for the few of us who live in our parents basements, who instead of cuddling with our significant other by the fireplace spend it glued to a computer screen pouring over stats on Baseball Mogul or that other baseball sim game (the one that I've never played, someone should fix that). 
And now you the reader are all like:

"Hey that's not true I totally play Halo or Call Of Duty or GTA V!"

HA I laugh at you !
PLEASE, I'm sorry to break it to you but if you are reading this, you are just not that cool. 

But no worries, that's why I'm here to help. Just like Dr.Phil, some people just won't go away. 
(And this blog is no exception, at least as long as I keep paying for the domain name every December....)

So here it goes, below you will find some amazing pick up lines/pictures that will help you go from being a poor, sad, depressed lonely Royals fan to simply a poor, sad, depressed Royals fan in a relationship ! Just remember these the next time you go to make a move, or better yet cut them out and hand that special person and in no time you'll be snuggled up on the couch next to them watching Rex Hudler rant about eating June Bugs. Thinking boy I've already caught my June Bug^.
 They are almost guaranteed to make that girl or/and* guy fall for you.

WARNINGS
^(Calling your significant other a June Bug may produce less then stellar results)
*(Really ??? And ??? You want both ! Oh my you need help friend !!! )

Okay enough rambling, here you go:

This is the one for that girl/guy you just meet. Make the best impression you can !

This one is a little tougher, but if they are an older Royals fan and still remember  Jaime Cerda this one is darn near perfect !

Oh man, if someone gave this to me ! BOOM ! Instantly we'd be in love ! No doubt it's gotta work.......

Another one you might have trouble finding the right fit form but really I'm not Dr.Phil !

                                     (Get it Dr.Phil and Runelvys ? And buffets ? HAHAHA I'm to good)

Awe, how could anyone say no to this ?

Desperate ? Maybe, but desperate times call for desperate measures ! Take a chance in 2014

One for the ladies to hand out to that strapping hulk of a man they've been to nervous to approach ! But calling yourself a tarp might be a turn off........

Wow, if someone says no to this, they are heartless and you deserve way better then them ! That's for sure.

Sometimes you've just got to overpower them with the sap factor.

Oh wow, things are escalating quickly..... I'm just going to go now...... Have fun you two.......

Okay there you go ! No more snowy nights spent alone on your Strat-O-Matic. Now you to can go out and find your true love. Just remember please when your in this beautiful perfect relationship, keep it in the inbox and texts thank you !
Oh and it's 40 days, 40 days until Pitchers and Catchers report ! See I really am a nice blogger........

Immediantly Following The Loss

 I HAVE APSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT

THIS


and well I don't have the heart to write anything else abbot this miserable team and game.
So for your convinice here's a petition you can sigh that somebody made and well here's the lyrics to
Don't Worry Be Happy. Hope it helps you because I have absolutely nothing else........

 ______________________________________________________

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY

Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry be happy now

Don't worry,be happy.Don't worry,be happy.
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry,be happy.

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry,be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry,be happy.

(Look at me--I'm happy.Don't worry,be happy.
Here I give you my phone number. When you worry,call me,
I make you happy.Don't worry,be happy.)

Ain't got no cash,ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry,be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry,be happy.

(Don't worry.Don't worry.Don't do it.
Be happy.Put a smile on your face.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry.It will soon pass,whatever it is.
Don't worry,be happy.
I'm not worried;I'm happy.)

 ___________________________________________

Here's hoping things change or at least start to get better tomorrow !

I'm Not Happy

Okay maybe you didn't get it from the title, or maybe you've just been tricked in the past and din't think the title meant anything. Well it does. You see I had just got done hearing about the Royals 0 - 7 loss to the Los Angeles Angels. A loss that made 4 in a row. A loss that made the team 1 - 8 in their last 9 games.
A shutout loss, no runs, not a single one, none, zero, zip, ziltch, zadda. In fact when you don't score a run you can add up how many games you will win.

0 Runs Scored in a game = ∞ losses

 That's right boys and girls, infinite losses for everybody ! Ahha haha I'm going crazy !!!!!
Oh but wait their is more !!!!! In the last 19 games the Royals are 4 - 15. And have been outscored during that time 54 - 83.
Or basically 2.84 Runs scored per game verses  4.37 allowed.
And just for the fun of it, if you remove one of the few Royals wins in that stretch, the May 13th contest against the Angels your new totals are a staggering. 43 - 79
2.39 scored against 4.39 allowed.

Oh and who could forget that today was Faith And Family Day? That's right kiddos, after getting dissed on for 9 innings the fans where treated to hear Albert Pujols and Josh Hamilton talk after the game (Luke Hochevar as well). Alright I've said it before I like the concept being a Christian myself, but do I want to hear Pujols and Hamilton after they just beat us ? Heck no I don't.
Maybe that's just me I don't know I wasn't there. If you where I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

But basically that's where my mind was today. That and thinking about the Memorial Day weekend BBQing I was about to start with this evening.
 (A heartfelt thank you to anyone that has or is serving our Country. Thank you so much)
 But first I decided to after much thinking to buy an elliptical to get in shape so I went by Dicks to buy one. And then I had to wait an hour while I filled out a credit card application to save 10% ($100 is a $100) only to not have it go through. And after much trying by the associates. Okay that's cool it's not there fault. They say to bring in the card when it comes and I'll be refunded then so no big deal. Well then my debt card wouldn't go through. I understand this as well, but it's been an hour and a half. So I ask the Store Manager if the ad will still be good Tuesday (Delivery and Installation for $69 normally $120).
 (I figure I'll just go to the bank and withdraw some cash and come back then)
And he says; "no". So I say, "Well is there anyway you can hold it for me and I'll be in Tuesday"
To which he replies, "It's an automatic thing outside or company there is nothing I can do about it".
The flipping store manager can't do a dang thing for me. Can't even give me $50 off to even it out. No after a n hour and a half all I get is a big screw you from the store manager at the Dicks Sporting Goods.
(So if you know of a good elliptical for sale from a legit company let me know, okay ?)

I know, I know your thinking why do I care about this ? Well I'm getting to the moral of the story. That and to this;

Which I will display on the blog until I get a letter/email of apology (or just get tired of it.)

Okay sorry I was getting off track again. The moral of the story is right after all this I log onto Twitter and see this;

So I let you know how angry I am with Dick's and this team's continual losing.
But that's really nothing at all, no I'd be pissed to the ∞ if that where to happen.

Yeah I'd be mad but more heartbroken then anything................

The Short Fall Down The Hill

This is the time of year when it falls to pieces. I have no words to say. Year after year it gets hard to find new ways to say the same thing. Below .500 and falling. And that is where the Royals set once again. In fact all I can really offer is this photo from tonight's loss;

And maybe a chance that this team can find away to steady the ship.
But I've grown to be a callused old man (fan) now and I didn't believe the hype at the start of the year or at the height of the 12 days or so in first place. So yes, I guess I do get some sick satisfaction from being right. But I want to be wrong I so want to believe I'll see a Royals team in the playoffs before I die. But I'm not the same 16 year old I was when I started this blog, nor is Gordon the same prospect , neither are you the reader. Face it we're all growing old and running out of time.
Time to see, to hear, to feel, a Royals we deserve. One that won't disappoint us and break our hearts....

Mother Nature Is A Terrorist

Well even though the Royals came within 3 outs on defense the great start by Ervin Santana never happen.
Because of rain....that became snow. (On May 2nd)

And well,

Because Mother nature is a terrorist......

Snow falls.

People take photos from the Rays dugout.

Christmas in May.

Ugh

The Downward Spiral ?

No we're not talking about the Nine Inch Nail's album that spun a song that would eventually be covered by Johnny Cash. And a whole lot of other songs I'm not going to mention....
But what we are talking is almost just as warped and just as brutal. Filled with hate and pain and everything evil in America.

Just look at the NIN cover real closely and you'll see it:

BAM !  A Parental Advisory Explicit Content sticker. Do you see that ? See it's that time of year where the Royals who start out hot fizzle into the 90 loss team we know and love (despise).

Just. 

like.

always.

 I could go dig up past results and examples but that would be to painful.

I mean:

• Stats like: in 2009 the Royals where 18 - 11 in their first 29 games in and finished 65 -97
• Names like: Yasuhiko Yabuta, Sidney Ponson, John Bale, Josh Anderson, etc, etc.

See this is the scary part of the season where the Royals tend to:

I know, I know, it's innocent enough back to back losses. But the next thing you know:

Lemmings of death jumping into a downward spiral.

 And the fact that both of the losses where pretty well blowouts to a lackluster Cleveland Indians team, well.  it really starts to make you doubt the whole "Our Time" "Come To Play" slogan.
Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid and have trust issues after years of abuse and neglect from my favorite team.  But hey, there are always worse things that could happen.

Let's just hope James Shields can help us get back on track tonight against the jerks that are the Rays.

I'm sorry Jeff, it's not me, it's you. :(

As we wait for game 2 of the new Royals Sunday tradition, the make up game doubleheader.

(You can't sweep the doubleheader if you don't win the first one. ~ Rex Hudler) 

I've got this one thing I must get off my chest.
 I don't like Jeff Francoeur. For starters he's to nice of a guy, and he has just way to much moral character.
 Remember the whole Bacon Tuesday thing last year ? The consent smiling. And upbeat attitude !
The praise of  announcers everywhere saying: "He's one of the true good guys in the game"
And that's not why I don't like Jeff Francoeur. Because he makes me want to like him, I really really do want to like him !

But I just can't.

And here is why.

See after a quick look at the numbers through 77 At Bats this year we have two sides of Jeff,

THE OKAY Jeff Francoeur
19 Hits 8 Runs 5 XBH 6 RBI .
                vs.
THE OUTRAGEOUSLY BAD Jeff Francoeur
19 K's 3 BB .284 OBP

And every time I've had it with him though it seems like he comes through with a clutch hit.

But still the fact is out of 20 games on the season, he has only went 6 without striking out.
The guy has as man strikeouts as he does hits !!!!!
Let's be honest, I hate nothing more then the sacrifice bunt. (unless there is a runner on second with no outs in a tie game, then and only then is it acceptable)
But there is a very close second to the sac bunt, and it's called the strikeout.

In a game where the best hitters fail 7 times out of 10. A strikeout is a fail 10 times out of 10.
It accomplishes absolutely NOTHING.
Because obviously when you don't put the ball in play you can't get anywhere near the run column.


And Jeff Francoeur is an awful ofender striking out a hair ripping.....

23 % of his at bats this season

Jeff Francoeur hangs his head after striking out vs Toronto 

Billy Butler is John Lennon ?

So Rex was out walking before the game and a lady was wearing a Billy Butler jersey. And it was her birthday and she wanted to get a picture with Billy. So Mr.Hudler walks into the dugout and gets Butler and he comes out and gives her a hug and takes a picture with her.

And then according to Rex:

"And you'd have thought she John Lennon, from the Beetles."

 
 

           Yeah, I'm not seeing it...............

Defining a season by using the X method.

Ugh.

0-1.

The worst start you can have to a season Win - Loss wise.

And although it was a great start from new ace James Shields.....

But when you use the X method. Which I might add is very scientific by the way.

Well then your left with the worst season a team could have !

THE "X" METHOD 

(0 Runs Scored) X (162 Games) =  2* runs over the entire course of the season ! 

And on top of that what otherwise would amount to an amazing pitching performance   

(1 Run Allowed) X (162 Games) = 162 Runs^ /  (1296 IP) = 0.13. 

Which would shatter records but the resulting 1*-161 record that would result in unthinkable horrors that likes of which humanity has never seen ! 

^ (A MLB season record)

*(Dumb luck accounts for statistical errors)

I'm not sure this method is approved by Bill James, but it's been around for quite awhile in the underground circuits of baseball fans.

Of course by now you realize today is still April Fools Day. So yeah the X method is just a joke.
And hopefully the pathetic offensive output is a joke as well.
But you want to know what isn't a joke ?
The blessing of baseball and Denny Matthews voice. Dang, that man is amazing. 45 Opening Days of Royals baseball !  I guess the only bad thing besides the offensive output is that we have to wait till Wednesday to see/hear more Royals baseball. :p