Sunday, April 23, 2017

The Greatest Hot Take Ever

I could have hot takes on the fact that the Royals swept the Angels starting on Good Friday and ending on Easter, is that a consequence? I mean the Royals were one of the first teams to have a Faith and Family night. Or on the dead Royals bats that need to be revived somehow.
But instead I noticed this amazing hot take that is completely unrivaled:

Sorry but nothing I ever write will be able to cover how amazing this comment is. Sure it could be completely random ramblings of a Facebook dude, or it could be the truth that the Illuminati does not want you to know. Whatever it be you heard it from RoRetc!

Here's hoping the Royals bats catch on fire and we can have some wins to celebrate!
Thanks for reading!

Saturday, April 15, 2017

2 Game Winning Streak!

The Royals are on a two game winning streak behind the arms of Jason Vargas and Danny Duffy. Lorenzo Cain's birthday celebration, and the return of the Salvy Splash. Basically it took a little while but this is the Royals team that we have came to know and expect.
I mean the Royals now have four starters with a batting average above .200! So things are on the up and up!


Salvador Perez 5, needs 32 more to break
Mike Moustakas 4, needs 31 to break

Thanks for reading and here's hoping for a three game winning streak into Easter!

Sunday, April 9, 2017


If I asked you what would be the worst way to lose a baseball game you may have a long list, because frankly there is no such thing as a good loss. Still if you were composing the list near the top would have to be a losing on a walk-off walk. I mean just looking at the way those words are formed in the English language is enough to turn even the strongest man's stomach.
Nevertheless that was the cruel fate that befell our beloved Royals in Houston today. Houston who for some reason decided to leave the roof closed today, on Palm Sunday! It's as if they did not want God looking down on the bag of tricks that they were going to pull. Am I accusing the Astros of cheating? Not at all. I'm just saying that no one who is not deeply involved in a Fitbit challenge with all their ex-high school classmates cares to walk that much!

I mean seriously! Let's hope that these awful bases loaded walks are a thing of the past for our bullpen. Like New Pepsi and Pepsi and Kendall Jenner it was only an experiment that just did not work out. But again it would not be right to lay all the blame for the loss on the team, alas I thought I could get by without a blog post yesterday. It's like that commercial on FSN Kc where the kid wears the dirty clothes and his mom can only afford to buy the McDouble from McDonalds, so everyone please pray that the Royals can turn at least one double play a game for them. But no this is totally on me guys and I will try and avoid screwing things up in future games.

Still the RACE AFTER BALBONI is heating up: 
The Legend is confident his record will stay

Salvador Perez 4, need 33 more to break
Mike Moustakas 3, need 32 more to break
Cuthbert/Hosmer/Moss 1, need 36 more to break

So that is something that we can monitor for the rest of the season? Will it happen, is that even possible? Well the Royals won the 2015 World Series so at this point you should realize that every thing in the whole world is possible! That means that [redacted] might still fall in love with me!!!!
Okay, so maybe not EVERYTHING is possible 💔 😢. Okay, okay enough about your favorite perpetually single Royals blogger. 

Royals are home tomorrow for the first time in 2017. This should be a fun time, but do plan to get emotional when the team honors ACE before the game. 

Also it is worth pointing out that, Joakim Soria, Peter Moylan, and Chris Young are currently the best preforming members of the Royals bullpen. 
Also is it time to worry about Matt Strahm yet as he has walked 6 in 1.1 Innings all without recording a strikeout. 

These questions and more will all be answered as the season continues.

Friday, April 7, 2017

The first win

Did you light the prayer candles in the 7th inning like I asked you to last night? 
Where you scrambling to get them all lit and that's why Houston scored a run?
Because let us all be honest with each other, things were getting more than a little dicey until the wonderfully unique hero Peter Moylan arrived along with Travis Wood to save the day and eventually lead to the Royals first win of the 2017 season. I mean, I know what you are thinking this guy has been out of the game for so long he doesn't know how Royals blogs even work anymore. Yet somebody lit the candles which stopped the 'Stros and not only that it led to a 3 run 8th inning and a WIN!
The Royals said "no thanks" and banged out their 1st win of the season!
I mean we had an amazing catch from Lorenzo Cain, another Salvy home run and a dominating performance from Jason Vargas. Yet I still noticed people complaining about Brandon Moss who had three walks in this game, comparing him even to Billy Butler. Quite frankly how anyone could compare anyone to anyone only four games in is anyone's guess; but it happened. I bring up those comparisons so that you can know that the Butler family recently sold their home in Arizona to someone thatpaid in cash. See for people like me it is hard to imagine having enough money to buy a house with cash, and that is just talking about the homes under $5,000in Detroit!(Some good deals there friends, but then every Royals game you saw in person would technically be a road game.) 
Still if you want to make a little money I am going to say bet on the Royals, because this is the first win of many more to come this year! And worst case scenario you lose everything you own, but hey no matter what you were invested in this team and isn't that what really matters?

Thanks for reading!

Current Royals winning streak: 1 Game 

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Is this thing on?

I have heard the legend. If you say bad baseball three games in a row and are completely eviscerated by the 7th inning you will be visited by the ghosts of Luke Hudson, and Mark Redman, Mike Maroth, and Hideo Nomo. And maybe just maybe a really old Royals blog that was nothing more than the late night ramblings of a total loser kid who had nothing better to do then write about a really bad baseball team and his inability to find love… Well some things never change because RoRetc is back!

Since this blog has not been relevant in six years I am sure all the kids are going to just… uh do kid stuff? I do not know, I mean I was only a 17 year old kid myself when I started this blog and now I’m 25 and have 80% of my Bachelors of Science completed. So I’m no longer relevant in that regard. But holy **** the Royals won the World Series in 2015! I wrote a lot about that but never posted here because I am still a baseball fan and thus incredibly superstitious. But hey all the posts from now on will be written in Microsoft Word so no more horrific grammar and spelling and enough of this prelude lets dive in:

Greg Holland is a total stud and it totally sucks that he’s not still a Royal. Wait can I still say sucks at 25 and not be written off as irrelevant? Also Wade Davis is kicking butt, and Jorge Soler is so-injured. Also I’m older than Jorge, is that mother’s basement trope still a thing in 2017 or is that something else that has passed me by? Wow this is getting confusing… anyone else miss Matt Stairs?

It’s only three games and I have been around long enough to know that there is still a lot of baseball left, for better or worse. So get ready for a great season starting tomorrow in Houston, and for goodness sakes can someone please light a prayer candle for our bullpen just before the start of the 7th inning? I mean it could not hurt. (For real you better be lighting a prayer candle for the 7th if the game is close)

Also please; because this blog made a point of pointing out great Royals merch (some people said it was the only good thing I did), please for the love of all things good and pure and holy and awesome and other adjectives in this world; please buy theme tickets and acquire this:

Because quite frankly it is the single greatest piece of Royals merch I have ever seen, and yeah I know it's against the Central dominating Minnesota Twins but maybe we'll get lucky. Plus if you don't you WILL REGRET IT AND IT WILL HAUNT YOU UNTIL DEATH AND EVEN BEYOND probably, but maybe not.

Thanks for reading after all these years, and you did not even have to donate to a Kickstarter or GoFundMe! How lucky can you be ? I’ll see you soon with more Royals coverage.