Sunday, January 5, 2014

No More Lonely Nights

2014 Happy New Year you guys ! It's only so many days until pitchers and catchers report. Yeah I could look it up and tell you but that's the kind of quality that just doesn't work well on a blog like this. So instead of coming up with some blogger jargon about how important this year is for our beloved Kc Royals. (And in all seriousness this IS A VERY VERY VERY Important season for this team)
I'm here instead to tell you about a New Year's Resolution that way too many people, at least on my Facebook feed HAVE FAILED TO MAKE.... (And you thought this was still a Royals blog, how silly)
We get it. It's a brand new year filled with brand new opportunities and you have an amazing boyfriend/girlfriend that the whole world needs to know about ! Because they complete you !
But please, for the love of whatever, please, please, please, refrain from constantly posting sap such as:

Thank you for everything baby !
This last week of us dating has been purely amazing. 
i know things are jus gonna keep getfing betta and betta!
I am an extremely lucky guy to have you in my life 
I look foward to a great 2014 year with you hun
Can't wait for what the future holds for us. As long as I've got you it'll be great.

Etc, etc, etc. 

I mean it's sickening, it really is. If you want to tell someone how you couldn't live without them after one month together be a decent person and text it or inbox it to them. Let's be honest it really is this kind of moral decline that's ruining the America our grandparents knew way way back in 1985 ! 

Especially for the few of us who live in our parents basements, who instead of cuddling with our significant other by the fireplace spend it glued to a computer screen pouring over stats on Baseball Mogul or that other baseball sim game (the one that I've never played, someone should fix that)
And now you the reader are all like:
"Hey that's not true I totally play Halo or Call Of Duty or GTA V!"
HA I laugh at you !
PLEASE, I'm sorry to break it to you but if you are reading this, you are just not that cool. 

But no worries, that's why I'm here to help. Just like Dr.Phil, some people just won't go away. 
(And this blog is no exception, at least as long as I keep paying for the domain name every December....)

So here it goes, below you will find some amazing pick up lines/pictures that will help you go from being a poor, sad, depressed lonely Royals fan to simply a poor, sad, depressed Royals fan in a relationship ! Just remember these the next time you go to make a move, or better yet cut them out and hand that special person and in no time you'll be snuggled up on the couch next to them watching Rex Hudler rant about eating June Bugs. Thinking boy I've already caught my June Bug^.
 They are almost guaranteed to make that girl or/and* guy fall for you.

^(Calling your significant other a June Bug may produce less then stellar results)
*(Really ??? And ??? You want both ! Oh my you need help friend !!! )

Okay enough rambling, here you go:

This is the one for that girl/guy you just meet. Make the best impression you can !

This one is a little tougher, but if they are an older Royals fan and still remember  Jaime Cerda this one is darn near perfect !

Oh man, if someone gave this to me ! BOOM ! Instantly we'd be in love ! No doubt it's gotta work.......

Another one you might have trouble finding the right fit form but really I'm not Dr.Phil !

                                     (Get it Dr.Phil and Runelvys ? And buffets ? HAHAHA I'm to good)

Awe, how could anyone say no to this ?

Desperate ? Maybe, but desperate times call for desperate measures ! Take a chance in 2014

One for the ladies to hand out to that strapping hulk of a man they've been to nervous to approach ! But calling yourself a tarp might be a turn off........

Wow, if someone says no to this, they are heartless and you deserve way better then them ! That's for sure.

Sometimes you've just got to overpower them with the sap factor.
Oh wow, things are escalating quickly..... I'm just going to go now...... Have fun you two.......

Okay there you go ! No more snowy nights spent alone on your Strat-O-Matic. Now you to can go out and find your true love. Just remember please when your in this beautiful perfect relationship, keep it in the inbox and texts thank you !
Oh and it's 40 days, 40 days until Pitchers and Catchers report ! See I really am a nice blogger........

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