Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Royals Merch 4: The Journey

So we start out the Royals Merch 4 with a journey, to find ourselves the perfect thing to buy. And let me tell you it's going to be quite a trip, I mean since the Royal wedding it keeps getting harder to make these but alas it's time to start....

On your journey you are bound to get thirsty. It's a long trip and water is not cheap. Therefore a sippy cup is by far your best choice. Do you really want to accidentally tip your cup over losing everything, forcing you die of thirst in the middle of our trip ?

Your also going to need shoes, what you wanted to make this journey barefoot ? No. That's be just to stupid.
Put on your thong already, er flipflop....
$19.95 *

And of course you'll need these bad boys to go along with your sandals, gotta show of that summer fashion.
Finally the backpack. Maybe it doesn't talk, maybe if you sing Backpack Backpack to it nothing's going to happen. Not my probable it's yours. Besides you probable don't even speak Spanish do you ? No wonder Jose Guillen hated Kansas City.... Oh well let's get started....
$24.95 *

Psych ! Gonna need a beach towel in case we end up at the beach. I mean your never get a girl if you show up with no beach towel or worse....
Trust me I'm your wingman here !
$18.95 *


The first creature we meet is this delightful thing, we decide not to eat him because he looks to much like Al Cowens so we go to pay the  $19.99 but find out he's OUT OF STOCK.

Next we encounter  Kansas City Royals dancing musical player. Coupled with bad looks and bad reviews it chases us into the mountains.
$29.99 *

Ounce there we find a restaurnt and decide to get some toast. Luckly we still have the water from earlier so we're in good shape. Not sure why we bought a salt/peper shaker and a toaster for ourselves though.
$21.99 S/P
$ 39.99 Toaster

Next  we run into the helpful old gnome lady and her Wizard husband who lead us through the garden to the great lightswitch.
$29.99 Each
We flip the decorative switch , of which, you need like 15 for your whole house.
On Sale $7.99 *
So now the neon light shines brightly and our journey is all but complete.
$439.99 *
 And now I need these because I'm really going to miss you, and I might not ever see you again.
Man I'm an emotional wreck.
$2.95 *


The Magical Dino lets us inside the shop we've journeyed so far to see.
With it's:
  • Animated body movements
  • Flashing lights
  • Upbeat disco music
It serves as a fine ending to our splendid trip together. 
 $14.95 *

And there it is what you brought me all this way to help you buy....

Erotic art ? For real we came all this way for this ?
You perv !
I can see I've wasted my time. 
But hey maybe you out there somewhere reading this haven't wasted yours.
You to can buy this, this, this thing....
Only $5.95 here at the end of our trip........

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